Mandurah.
I felt terrible for landing us in trouble. Angry & disappointed at myself yet again. Can’t control my sadness somehow. It doesn’t help when I just cried bucketful more when Abg tried to comfort me. I didn’t want to look at your face nor look at the SMS you sent me cos I just kept quiet n cried silently didn’t I? I remember how you sat beside me n tried to make me look at you, talking to me the whole time when I just kept silent. You were very patient with me throughout dear.. Thank you dear. I know you can take good care of me n my parents have seen it firsthand. They know their daughter is not easy to take care of.
Archive for December, 2011
Of perth
Of perth
Mandurah.
I felt terrible for landing us in trouble. Angry & disappointed at myself yet again. Can’t control my sadness somehow. It doesn’t help when I just cried bucketful more when Abg tried to comfort me. I didn’t want to look at your face nor look at the SMS you sent me cos I just kept quiet n cried silently didn’t I? I remember how you sat beside me n tried to make me look at you, talking to me the whole time when I just kept silent. You were very patient with me throughout dear.. Thank you dear. I know you can take good care of me n my parents have seen it firsthand. They know their daughter is not easy to take care of.
4 dec 11
Weddings. Survived a day of weddings but not without some difficulties. I think I’ll never get used to going for weddings without him.it’s just too awkward n I feel like I’m pitied always. Disagreement with Ibu early in the morning making me feel all sad n lonely once again. Msged him n waiting for his reply but it never came. Cried early morning n the tears just doesn’t seem to stop. How did I deal with it? I felt alone n it only made me harden my heart n emotions. People always think I’m lucky n look ok alright.. But they dont know what I go thru, always on my toes expecting a call, insecure, jealous to see others with their fiancé or husband but not me.. Mcm layang2 terputus tali n the things I’ve done, fighting conflict within myself. Is that why I feel like others pity me but they don’t say it out to me cos I was the one who made the choice kan.. I just have to live with it n even when I suffer I have to do it alone. I’m so scared
3 dec 2011
Picnic at sengkang riverside park:
Met all the girls again this year except Syaz.
Again, our topics of conversation seem to evolve around wedding preparations. I just listened as usual, not taking part in their conversation at all. Mine is still far I feel and I also don’t really feel the excitement as yet. It’s a good thing no one asked abt me, probably they understand that it’s not possible even if I wanted it.
Next hot topic.. Rumah.. Another topic I can’t contribute in. Macam semua dah apply For rumah well except me n Fifi. I don’t even think abt getting a house for myself.
Much I’ve learnt from the girls ESP on marriage n rumah..
Gi rumah baru nada,.,
